A Better Dream

Therapy

2012-02-16T20:05:00.005-05:00

One definition of therapy on dictionary.com is

any act, hobby, task, program, etc., that relieves tension.

I believe in therapy...art therapy, pet therapy, psychotherapy, any and all of the above. We all need to be able to express our feelings in a healthy and effective manner.

Little Miss does just fine expressing hers. :)
Traditional therapy where I would disclose my feelings to a therapist would not necessarily work for me. I would be too uncomfortable and would be completely preoccupied with the impression I was setting forth.

It seems odd to think that I'm more comfortable sharing my feelings with over forty people a day versus one, but, in this case, it's true. This blog serves as my therapy. It's a much more effective tool for me. I'm able to process what I am going through. I can say something and if I'm not clear, I can delete and try again. I can write at my own pace and if I want to bawl my eyes out while I'm typing, then so be it...there is no one present to judge me and so my feelings are raw and real. There is no pressure for me to say the "right" thing because I don't have to press publish until I'm ready.

I'm grateful to you, who have chosen to come along on this journey with me; I never expected that so many would be all that interested in my daily dialogue. I am overwhelmed by the continuous love you have given me. Thank you for reading and encouraging me as I participate in my daily therapy; I truly do feel like I have an army fighting along side of me.

"I write first for myself as a therapeutic process, to get stuff out and to deal with it."

Lucinda Williams

Zipadeedoodah

2012-02-15T20:22:00.003-05:00

Today was a good day!

A day to sing....

This past Monday I had a CT Scan and a Bone Scan, as recommended by one of the oncologists at the center. There is something very scary about having your entire body scanned to make sure there are no signs of cancer elsewhere...talk about anxiety!

..."this means your cancer has not metastasized" said my caring, compassionate, competent, intelligent, adorable surgeon as he reviewed the results. Thank You God! I'm not sure that I have ever been so relieved in my life.

And then to make things even a bit sweeter, out came my drain. The process was completely painless and now I have one less thing to manage as I continue to heal. I can even take a real shower....whoop, whoop!

Yes, today was a good day!

Zipadeedoodah!

"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A
My oh my what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine headed my way
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A"

Leak...

2012-02-14T16:27:00.010-05:00

Again, I am probably about to share too much information, but what the heck....I mean really, I've already talked about cleavage envy...how much worse can it really be? Let me apologize now if I offend anyone.

Two weeks ago today, I had a mastectomy. As part of this surgery, the surgeon inserts a drain to take care of excess fluid that the body automatically sends to the wound. The fluid drains into a "bulb" and the fluid is measured on a daily basis. Within a couple of weeks, as the fluid diminishes, the drain is removed. Why am I disclosing all this information? My point is coming, bear with me...

Today as I got into my BFF's car after dropping Little Miss off at preschool, I felt that lovely, unmistakable sensation I get from a leaky drain. Although I carefully applied my gauze and medical tape prior to leaving the house, I leaked through. Because we were already running late for Avo's funeral, I didn't want to turn around to go back home. We made a stop at Rite Aid and quickly grabbed medical scissors, tape, gauze and alcohol (the kind you use to disinfect).

Upon getting to the register, the lovely cashier said, "Whoa, looks like you girls are performing surgery."

"No, the surgery already happened."

"Well, geez, I hope that person is ok."

Oh she's ok lady, she's standing right in front of you!

Although I was tempted to inform the "funny" cashier that I was the patient, I chose not to waste any more time with chit chat and took it as a compliment. I am able to easily blend into society with baggy shirts, scarves, and a small little pillow insert :) in my camisole.

That's the thing with the Big C. I look fine, I feel fine. How is it possible that these deadly cells have been lurking inside of me? ...and why, if I feel good right now and the cancer has been surgically removed from my body, must I go through treatments full of yucky side effects?

As adults it's hard to process the circumstances and for children, even more so. I catch my kids staring at me and I'm guessing they're wondering why I don't look sick. Soon enough I will look sick. I will have the undeniable trademark of being an official cancer patient....a bald head, something not so easily hidden from the outside world. This part of the process is hard. The anticipation of how I am going to feel, what I am going to look like and how my kids are going to handle the entire situation is like a persistent broken record in my brain. I do know one thing...that it will all be ok in the end. This does, for a brief moment, make it a bit easier.

For now, I'm embracing the fact that I can go on with day to day activities in virtually a typical manner without the outside world having any knowledge about my "leak".

“We must have infinite faith in each other. If we have not, we must never let it leak out that we have not.”

-Henry David Thoreau

PS If I see any of you in the near future, please refrain from telling any "leaky" jokes; I probably won't find them amusing.

Safety Net

2012-02-13T22:58:00.002-05:00

When I have my momentary falls from grace, my family and friends envelope me in a circle of love.

Since my diagnosis one month ago, there has not been a day where I didn't feel the immense love and support from those around me. They leave me no option but to get up and keep going. I am so grateful for this "safety net".

“Family... a group experience of love and support.” -Marianne Williamson

What If...

2012-02-12T20:56:00.004-05:00

As much as I try to make "What if" not part of my vocabulary, it has made a frequent "appearance" in my thought process this past weekend.

My BFF bought me this book when I had my surgery.She started reading some parts aloud during our hospital sleepover.

good stuff, deep stuff , stuff that makes you think...

It's also full of quotes, something I'm rather fond of :) There is something to be said for a good quote...not more than a couple dozen words that can say oh so much!

Tonight I decided I needed a quote fix...and lucky you, you get one too.

"Every moment of your life is infinitely creative and the Universe is endlessly bountiful. Just put forth a clear enough request, and everything your heart desires must come to you."

-Shakti Gawain

"Faith is to believe that which you do not yet see; and the reward of this faith is to see that which you believe."

-Saint Augustine of Hippo

"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last you create what you will."

-George Bernard Shaw

As I conclude this post, I also think...why does "What if" have to have a negative connotation.

What If?

-I only get good news from this day forward?

-I think positive thoughts?

-I take all the positive energy and love that surrounds me and use it to kick Cancer's &%@?

-I come out stronger in the end?

-I take each day one moment at a time?

-I embrace each moment?

-I don't waste one more second worrying about things that are out of my control?

I miss the days when life was simple...What if I never tried to follow that rainbow?

-Author Unknown

Temporary Position...

2012-02-11T15:13:00.004-05:00

So, I've decided that fighting the Big C and getting healthy is really my job for the next year. Unfortunately, I didn't apply for such a position, but I've been selected to fill it...yay for me. I've been told by many that this experience will forever change me...I'm pretty certain I'm already starting my emotional metamorphosis. I'm also ready to get moving and see where I am at the end of this rocky trek...let's get this over with!

Just like all my previous jobs, I intend to do my best work and maybe even be an overachiever at times. I am going to try to make the conscious effort not to allow it to take over my life. I know it sounds ridiculous, but really, I would like to continue with business as usual as much as I can. You know, go for treatments, rest and carry on...why must I neglect the other aspects of my life for this job? I never have for any other, so why start now? After all, this job is only a temporary position...thank goodness!

"When you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, 'Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it."
Theodore Roosevelt

Avo

2012-02-09T20:46:00.005-05:00

March 2011

Rest In Peace Avozinha

This year your 99th birthday celebration will be blessed with the angels in Heaven.

We Love You!

To see the world in a grain of sand, and to see heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour.

William Blake

Fall from grace...

2012-02-08T20:30:00.003-05:00

You know most of the time, I really am doing fine and I feel like I can walk this road with some grace, hope and determination. I get through most days feeling content and happy and a tear is never shed. Today, however, it's been hard. I had my follow up with the surgeon to go over the pathology reports from last week's surgery. "There was some cancer found in one of the six lymph nodes." Gulp, swallow, &%$@#! Really? I tried to keep my composure as my kind-hearted surgeon continued to talk (and really began to sound like the teacher on Charlie Brown cartoons). I couldn't do it....my eyes welled up with tears...

My surgeon continues to be extremely positive, hopeful and confident that the Big C can be treated and cured. I have complete faith in his word. Today, though, I just wanted to rewind to my life before the Big C. This life I am living is just too darn scary at the moment and I don't always feel fit to play the part.

Today, I have had to make a conscious effort to really look at the positives. It was only in one lymph node, the mass was actually smaller than originally thought, I'm healing well from my surgery and feeling good....I can do this.

I've really never been into climbing mountains, but I intend on facing this one head on and scaling it. I will move forward and conquer this, but in doing so, I may have my momentary falls from grace...

“Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul”

-William Hazlitt

Envy...

2012-02-07T17:58:00.005-05:00

"He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind."

Buddha

Although I believe this to be true, I must admit that I have, at certain times, been envious of others. Mentally it isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but if I am being completely honest with myself, I have to confess that envy has been present at certain times in my life, now being one of them.

About 12 years ago, when we tried and tried to have a baby and couldn't, it seemed everyone I saw and came into contact with was pregnant. Everywhere I went, I would see pregnant bellies. I would stare longingly at them and it was as if they had eyes and were staring back at me. I had "baby belly" envy...big time!!! It was hard for me to look past the moment and see the something bigger that was the plan for my life. I indeed was supposed to be a mother, but not to babies I would grow in my belly. My babies grew in my heart. They are my babies, I am their momma, we are a family and we love each other beyond words.

And now, well, you can imagine what I see all day and night....yes people, cleavage! It's everywhere...especially on television...I mean really. I imagine that most men had noticed this phenomenon quite some time ago, but now it is glaringly obvious to me as well. I guess you could say I'm suffering from a bit of "cleavage envy". Not that I was ever one to feel confident enough to let it all hang out, but still it was there, at least for me to know. Now, not so much. Apparently, once again, there is a different plan...one that is not so clear at this moment, but will hopefully help me continue to evolve emotionally through this process and indeed, obtain peace of mind. (I'll spare you the photos to go along with this portion of my post...just turn on your television :)

"The question is not really whether or not you go on, but rather how are you going to enjoy it."

-Robert Thurman

Scarves...

2012-02-06T15:05:00.004-05:00

I have a thing for scarves, and apparently everyone knows this because I think I probably only purchased about 2 of the scarves I own.

Scarves come in handy to hide the hives that creep up on my neck and face during meetings, they add some fun to outfits, they keep necks warm in the winter, and now, well they can help me feel a bit more confident when I'm out and about with my "new" body....I guess they serve as a comfort for me.

There are many, many ways to tie a scarf. Check out this link.

The typical knot I use is the knot in hand.

Thanks to all those who have added to my extensive selection of scarves...I like them....a lot!

a bit of knowledge....

Scarf-a long, broad strip of wool, silk, lace, or other material worn

about the neck, shoulders, or head, for ornament orprotection against cold, drafts

, etc.; muffler.

A bit of humor....

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain

and a bit of truth(for myself) to ponder...

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair.
Audrey Hepburn

Fun Stuff...

2012-02-04T11:20:00.005-05:00

Taking a break from talking about the Big C to do a photo recap of E's 8th birthday celebration.

Hunting for gold coins outside to exchange for candy.

This year's cupcake cake...it was an easy peasy one. To see past cupcake cakes, click cupcakes under the labels' section on the right sidebar.

Mustaches...

Banner celebrating E's past birthdays.

Fun cups from the dollar store labeled with each kid's name.

To see more of the party details, click here and here

God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.
Voltaire

My First Thought...

2012-02-03T22:18:00.005-05:00

Upon waking up after surgery, my first thought was "Thank you God! I am ok, I survived the surgery...woo hoo! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Now that the initial woo hoo is gone, I'm still feeling quite grateful to have conquered this first hurdle. The alien blob is gone; I don't have to wonder how much it is growing on a daily basis or if it is traveling through the rest of my body...it's gone....GOODBYE! However, the still surreal reality that cancer has intruded in my life is now visible...I have a scar across part of my chest so I am not allowed to ignore this fact. I accidentally peeked at my new reminder during my hospital stay and was pleasantly surprised to discover that I was not traumatized by the event. It's ok really...and the surgeon, well, he did a good job, and for that I am also grateful.

To say I'm not bothered by my new outward appearance would not really be entirely accurate. It's hard and painful emotionally, but I think I dealt with most of those emotions before my surgery and this has helped with the healing process. I'm healing well, I'm in little pain and I'm doing ok...what more can I ask for right now?

Let's face it...this cancer thing is a big pain in the &%$! You no sooner feel like you've reached the top of the mountain and then you look up and see miles more to climb. Wednesday we'll know more specifically how high this mountain actually stands...let's hope it's not too tall.

Right now I just get through each day by living one moment at a time...there is really no other way.

‎"Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."--Albert Einstein

The important things...

2012-02-02T10:42:00.007-05:00

Eight years ago today, our lives were changed forever when our E was born. He is our spirited oldest child whose sensitivity and intuitiveness are always evident. He loves with all his heart and when he is happy, you can't help but be happy along with him; his personality is engaging.

E, we are forever grateful to your birth parents for choosing us to be your Mommy and Daddy. We love you beyond words and can't imagine our lives without you.

Here is our little man on his birthday for the past 8 years.

Today, using Face Time on my I Phone from my hospital room, I was able to sing Happy Birthday to the birthday boy and hopefully by the end of the day, I'll be discharged and can give him a proper birthday hug and kiss.

...and now a brief update of my surgery...

I ended up going in 2 1/2 hours later than expected, so that added more hunger and more thirst...not fun. Surgery was about 2 hours and recovery, another 2 hours. When all was said and done, I finally got up to my room at 9:30pm. Surgery went as expected (no surprises really)...yay for that. I'm recovering well thanks to the unbelievable support of my friends and my family and bff (who has not left my side and even had to help with some of my typically easy daily care tasks...what fun for her).

I will give a more detailed post soon about the entire hospital experience (as I can imagine you must all be sitting at the ends of your seats waiting), but truly today I want to celebrate the most important things, like my boy and the fact that I successfully made it over the first big hurdle of my journey...thanks to the team of people helping me move forward. Today I truly feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude! Thank You

"You have no cause for anything but gratitude and joy!"

-Buddha

This Sucks...

2012-01-30T21:29:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the crude way to title the blog post, but, there is really no other way to describe the night before a surgery. That is the first thing that came to my mind and lucky you...you get to hear it. Yuck, yuck and yuck!

Moving on...I know I sound like a broken record, and for that I am sorry. But, I continue to be "driven" by the insane amount of support and love I have been feeling, especially this week. I am blessed to have so many people in my life who are cheering me on. It is humbling. Everyone should get to experience this kind of love; it's really remarkable! Thank you!!!

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."

-Morrie Schwartz

Enough Said

2012-01-29T22:51:00.001-05:00

I check out Julie's blog daily, and every Sunday she posts something from the bible. Check out today's.

Enough Said....

Good Riddance

2012-01-29T09:08:00.003-05:00

I wouldn't say I'm fine with my upcoming surgery, but I'm about ready to have this "alien blob" (that is what it is referred to in the book, Punk Wig) taken out of me. I've mentioned before that it feels like it's growing by the minute. Of course, that is not really the case, but it will be nice to have it G-O-N-E!

That being said, I've never really had to stay in the hospital for any length of time. I've had things like wisdom teeth pulled and other small procedures done, but I have never stayed in the hospital overnight as a patient (no not even to give birth...for those of you who are not aware, my beautiful blessings became ours through adoption). And worst of all, my surgery is not until late afternoon on Tuesday and I can't eat or drink anything after midnight on Monday. Oh joy to that...we'll be having a feast and a gallon of water at 11:45 if anyone wants to join us. So, I'm just a tad nervous about the ENTIRE experience. I'll be glad when it has all passed and Wednesday has arrived.

Now that the whining is complete, I intend to come through this surgery with flying colors and get back to a "new" normal sometime in the very near future. I'm not one to sit around and do nothing, so I'm hoping that won't be the case for very long.

My list of things to do to have an A+ surgery experience (not necessarily by order of importance):

-Reiki at 4pm the night before

-Upload meditation and relaxation music to my phone

-Eat a full meal just prior to midnight the day before my surgery

-Feel all the love and prayers surrounding me on that day

-Good night sleep

-Think of my family

-Pray

-Be confident that all will be fine

-Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts

Can anyone think of anything else I'm missing?

I'm not sure that I can really ever prepare myself completely for surgery, but at this point, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I'm certainly ready to say "good riddance" to the alien blob!

"Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control."
Richard Kline

Just because I don't like to post without pictures, here is a picture of my two memere's from E's birthday celebration...Oh so cute!

Speechless

2012-01-28T21:16:00.003-05:00

I know it's hard to believe, but tonight, I don't have much to say...

So, I will share one of my favorite things from our little man's 8th birthday celebration.

I bought an app for my I-Phone called Pocket Booth and we had all sorts of fun at the Super Mario party, complete with Staches and all.

A good snapshot stops a moment from running away.

~Eudora Welty

Etiquette

2012-01-26T08:00:00.001-05:00

I have debated as to whether or not I should write this, as I have had so many thoughts floating around in my head about it, but I don't want to be offensive to anyone. First, let me start off by saying (again) that I am so grateful and truly humbled by the ongoing support and love I have felt by so many.

Every day there are people diagnosed with cancer and one in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. On the day the receptionist called me to make my initial appointment, she had 20 (yes 20!) new referrals on her desk that morning. Many of us may be diagnosed with the same type of cancer, our experiences and treatments may be very similar or they may be as different as we are. Emotionally, we may be diverse as well. What one person may find helpful, I may not. This diagnosis has forced me to examine myself even more closely and really know what I need to do as an individual to be able to make it through this muck. I believe I am "getting it". I am learning to meditate, exercise more, and live in the moment.

There is a certain etiquette that people should have in regards to talking to others when they are diagnosed with cancer. EVERYONE has a story, some are helpful, others, not so much. I probably do not need to hear every detail of your third cousin's battle with breast cancer because her story is not my story. I don't need to know that she almost died on the operating table or that they thought that it had spread throughout her body....yikes! These are fears that I fight to push to the back of my mind each and every minute of the day...shame on you for making them prevalent thoughts in my head. Are there snip-its that I would find motivating? Absolutely!...tell me how she was diagnosed, fought like hell and won, and that she is doing great now 15 years later-thank you! Tell me that you went through it and I can too, tell me that it was a tough road, but you are healthy now, and, if you're super positive, tell me it was a "breeze" (yes, someone actually said that). I am well aware that the other stories exist (and I am not in denial), but who wants to hear them in the midst of this? I need to hear positive, motivating stories where others have fought and won!

I also ponder the choices I have made in my life that may have been the cause of the Big C. "What did I do to cause this to happen to my body?" In this case, those past decisions cannot have any impact on the situation at the moment. It is not healthy for me to "go there" emotionally, as it does not help me to move forward. The truth of the matter is, no one really knows the cause of breast cancer. It's probably not a wise idea to mention to me that I had a part in causing my own breast cancer, because, once again, I've already thought of that.

There are so many loving and caring people who want to do anything they can to help me through this process and I am able to see this intent in everyone that I have come into contact with. What do you say to someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer? Sometimes it may be best not to say anything...

My story is not "exactly" like someone else's because we are not the same people. I can gain insight, knowledge and different perspectives by listening to others, and for that, I am so grateful. At this point, I have to surround myself with motivating and positive people whose stories also exude those characteristics. Sometimes, it IS acceptable, and often welcomed to just say nothing at all...a hug will do ;)

A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The boy

2012-01-25T21:54:00.004-05:00

It's hard to believe that this little boy of ours will be turning 8 next week. Yikes! In another 8 years, he'll be driving!

These are some more of the pictures taken as part of his "Mario" shoot.

My mom says E is a kid who shows raw emotion, the good, the bad, and the ugly. There is really no guessing as to how things are going, it's usually written all over this little boy's face.

He really is such a sweet, sensitive, and happy little man ....the pictures tell this and, so, they make me smile :)

A boy's story is the best that is ever told.

-Charles Dickens

Complicated

2012-01-24T17:51:00.005-05:00

Things change when you are diagnosed with cancer and when you have kids it is all the more complicated. Although they are my primary motivation to kick cancer in the big ole behind, they are also the source of many of my tears. This diagnosis is hard enough for adults to deal with, but gosh, to ask a child to understand it, well that just isn't right! Unfortunately, however, I am not in charge, I did not choose this, but I can be in control of how I respond to it. From the beginning, we have chosen to be honest with our kids, but we have also been cautious with how we have presented information to them. After all, they are children, and so they should be treated as such. By keeping things from them, they would've created things in their own thoughts and imaginations, getting fact and fiction confused, provoking more anxiety. Instead, they know Mommy has cancer. (E response was, "you need to get rid of that Mommy!" I couldn't agree more.) They know Mommy has to have surgery to remove it, they know it may take a long time to get it all out of Mommy's body and that Mommy may lose her hair because of the strong medicine the doctors need to use to get rid of it. Most importantly, they know Mommy is going to be ok, but it may take some time. E, especially, ponders all these facts and occasionally brings it up in passing, but overall, at the moment, he is doing fine and so is Little Miss. We are all surrounded by an incredible support system that will not allow any of us to be anything but ok.

I searched for some books to help address the Big C with the kids, but sadly, I found few that I was willing to read to them. One, called Punk Wig, is my favorite. It tells the story, but in a way that is clear, concise, truthful, fun-loving and positive. I give it two thumbs up!

I hope and pray that all of us, especially my two children, become stronger, more confident and more appreciative of all that surrounds us as a result of this experience.

"Optimistic parents raise resilient children, but pessimistic parents raise broken offspring. Wherever there is darkness, show your children the light."

- Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Celebrate 8

2012-01-23T17:39:00.005-05:00

We're getting ready for a certain little man's birthday around here, so we have lots of distractions going on. This week's topics may be expanded to include some Super Mario and mustaches or moustaches...whichever you prefer.

I Mario"tized" E by using a free program called Picnik. Unfortunately, the program is closing in April, which makes me so very sad. So, if for some reason you'd like to add a mustache to any of your photos, head on over there before April.

"boy (boi) n. a male child, lad, youth, not yet a man, often a magnet to dirt, toys and adventure."

Strength...

2012-01-22T20:29:00.009-05:00

"Promise me you'll always remember- you're braver

than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and

smarter than you think." A. A. Milne

Today I start with a quote sent to me by a friend (thanks Jen! xo) I think it's significant to start with it because it would be beneficial for me to begin each day by reading it.

Before the Big C I used to look at others in awe at how they were able to face adversity with such grace, courage, determination and strength. I was quite certain I would never in a million years be able to do the same. In fact, when I first found out I had cancer, I said "I am not strong enough to deal with this." My family insisted I was and said I had to be...after all, there is not another option.

I'm not certain that I have mastered being able to deal with adversity by displaying all the characteristics listed above, but I am trying, and in some ways, I have even surprised myself. I get out of bed each morning (with less angst than the day before), make lunches for my kids, and bring them to school. I have begun to take each moment for what it is without looking beyond it and those morsels of time have indeed become a bit sweeter. There have even been moments during this past weekend when the BIG C wasn't at the forefront of my thinking; I am learning that it does not have to take over my life.

I guess I CAN do this, and I am...taking it one minute at a time, often with deep cleansing breaths, gratitude for the love that surrounds me, occasional tears, and my inner voice saying "I can do this, I am strong enough!"

So thanks to all of you who believe that I do have it in me, for telling me I do and for helping me to even believe it for myself.

Enjoy a couple morsels from this past weekend.

Random Distraction

2012-01-20T20:13:00.007-05:00

Debuting on my blog for the first time...my youngest nephew. Is he the cutest or what? I want to squish him (sometimes I do; he gives the best hugs ever!). When I asked my brother if it was ok if I put a picture of Littlest Cousin on the blog, he agreed only if he received royalties...thank God for fruit snacks!

These two love bugs definitely help to distract me from the "Big C". I consider them free entertainment...they are really more like brother and sister than cousins...they adore each other one minute and are both screaming the next.

He wasn't all that into me taking his picture.

Oh that face!

Little Miss is into wearing her hat ALL the time. When we try to "sneak" it off her head, she is not pleased, and lets us know it (VERY LOUDLY!).

These playmobiles were my brothers' and now Little Miss and Littlest Cousin each have some they play with at Memere and Pepere's house...such a great toy!

Swim lessons...it's been fun to tag along with mom when she takes the littles to lessons. They are doing soooo well!

A slightly random post of some of my daily distractions...two of which are the cutest ever!

You can always find a distraction if you're looking for one.
Tom Kite

This Time Last Year

2012-01-19T20:20:00.002-05:00

I left my camera at Mom and Dad's so no new pictures to upload. But, since I promised a post with pictures, here are some from this time last year. We had so much snow! E and Little Miss are itching to get out and play in the fluffy white stuff. When we had a dusting the other night, Little Miss was ready to get her sled and make snow angels. I'm not really a big fan of snow, but there is something about the tranquility and peacefulness of the surroundings when it first snows. It really is beautiful!

THE DUST OF SNOW

The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.

Robert Frost

Bittersweet...

2012-01-18T19:53:00.006-05:00

WARNING: This post is a bit more detailed than past posts. If you're not into details, read no further.

When the Dr. starts off the conversation with the word "Unfortunately", generally it goes downhill from there. However, there were some "sweet" scenarios that came from today's visit to balance out some of the "bitter".

"Unfortunately" was followed with the news that there were additional spots in the same area found when the MRI was done. This means that instead of the surgery being a lumpectomy, it will now have to be a mastectomy to be sure all cancerous spots are removed.

What, you say, could possibly be the silver lining with this scenario? Well, we're all hopeful that through surgery it is found that my cancer is non-invasive, meaning it is contained to that one area. This would mean that the surgery would remove all of it and I wouldn't necessarily need chemo and/or radiation...that my friends is for sure the "sweet" part of all of this. Because of the "sweet", I decided to not let myself wallow for too long (note to self: do not drive in the car alone, it leaves too much time to ponder, get anxious and wallow).

And, so we wait...

Surgery is scheduled for the end of the month and my follow-up is at the beginning of February. It's hard to believe it hasn't even been a month since "the itch". Waiting makes time go oh so S---L---O---W

When we were going through the adoption process, it seemed I kept hearing this song repeatedly on the radio, and now this week, don't you know I've heard it at least three times. Waiting, for sure, is the hardest part.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

-Carl Jung

PS Another post without pictures...yuck! Pictures for sure tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!

Prayer...

2012-01-17T22:10:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon and get the results of the MRI and possibly the genetic testing; this is what I find myself repeating over and over....

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

PS Did you know you could sign up to receive an email of each new blog post? Sign up on the right side of my blog. Some of you have inquired, so I thought perhaps others would be interested.

It's a Wonderful Life

2012-01-16T09:39:00.007-05:00

George Bailey I am not, but I have found that over the past few weeks, I've had several "It's a Wonderful Life" moments.

Every morning, I have opened up my email and have consecutively received messages of well wishes and prayers from friends and family, some of whom I haven't heard from in quite some time. I am humbled by the outpouring of support and love I have received and that really is what brings tears to my eyes each and everyday....wow!

Yes, this experience is one I wouldn't wish on my own enemy, but the love I am feeling has really been completely overwhelming; it's like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. Of course, I grew up in a house full of love, married a loving husband, have loving kids and wonderfully supportive and loving friends, but this is a whole new level of LOVE. Mom and Dad tell me about people they know praying and doing Novenas, and I can't help but cry. I have never met most of these people. Cards flock my bathroom door so I can read them each morning as I drag my butt out of bed. Text messages and emails are frequent.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I do indeed feel the love and it is the fuel which feeds me on a daily basis. How lucky I am to have all this love and support...some, sadly, do not...

That brings me to my next comment.

Why wait for the something big?

Tell the people around you each and everyday how important they are in your life, why are they special, why you love them so much. None of us are really able to see what's down the road...

... why wait?

"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
-Alexander Smith

"You've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?"
-It's a Wonderful Life

Just for fun...

2012-01-15T21:41:00.003-05:00

"The more you dress up the more fun you'll have."

- Brian Molko

I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend! I'll be back tomorrow with a little "It's a Wonderful Life" comparison....stay tuned.

Stepping out of the box...

2012-01-12T20:44:00.004-05:00

Someone please tell me how you can actually get a flattering picture when you're taking it of yourself. It's weird! ...and just AWKWARD (E's favorite new word).

I was trying to get a picture of my new (short) haircut, but unfortunately I kind of had to be in the photos along with the haircut :) The pictures remind me of carnival funny mirrors...geesh.

Anyway, my haircut is part of the process for me...cutting it shorter and shorter, you know before I'm forced to lose it all without any control. This is me being in charge! ROAR!!! There is a certain someone in this house

not a fan of really short hair, but now I guess he's got to adjust as well...sorry honey!

My BFF asked me if I wanted a cough drop today....this was the wrapper....hmmmm.

I'm linking up with Emily today for Embrace the Camera.

“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”

Today

2012-01-10T21:47:00.006-05:00

Today was MRI day. I was definitely nervous, but more so for what the results would show, not necessarily the actual procedure. The procedure itself can be summed up in one word....LOUD- holy buckets (stole that expression from a friend)!!!! I faced head down so I couldn't really see anything and headphones were placed on my head. The music began to play and the tech spoke to me in a voice that reminded me of an operator on a Disney World amusement park ride. "Beautiful!- This will be 6 minutes of noise on this one." Who is she kidding? This is not Disney World Lady! I could not hear a sound coming out of my headphones and the noise she was referring to was what I imagine consecutive gun shots to sound like- some close and some further away. Truth be told, I survived the 18 minutes of noise from my first ever MRI and I even enjoyed the warm Johnny and blanket

..and a few Instagram pictures from today...

One of my good friends posted this on my facebook page today. It was just what I needed to read.

Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day

that says I'll try again tomorrow.

-Mary Anne Radmacher

Hair

2012-01-09T21:13:00.005-05:00

So today I'm on the topic of hair.

After hearing that I had cancer, my initial thought was of my own mortality. Then when I realized that perhaps I wouldn't die, I thought, I may "just" lose my hair. I can deal with that, after all, it's "just" hair...(this is me trying to convince myself that all is right and good with the world). YIKES! Me, bald? really? I'm kind of freaking out about it. I've been trying to prepare myself by finding a bald app on my phone- when I find a good one, I'll share the results. I figure it will ease the shock when it actually occurs.

Yesterday we went to see Shrek and do you know the entire time I was thinking that perhaps I would resemble the main character but a little less green. Yes, when you're diagnosed with cancer, it pretty much consumes every waking (and sometimes sleeping) thought. The little fellas are actually pretty cute, don't you think?

It's a difficult thing for me especially, as I'm not one to like any extra attention. I turn red from my neck to my forehead just thinking about walking into a room full of people. Walking into a room with a bald head is sure to draw some attention...lets be honest people!

In several weeks I will be experiencing the "wonders of chemo". I'm a hat girl anyway, so I'll now just have one permanently attached to my head, or maybe I'll find a favorite scarf or bandana. There are actually so many websites with products for chemotherapy patients-hats, scarves, wigs, hats with wigs, etc. I actually think these scarves are so very pretty, and these bandanas are really not so bad either. But, my most exciting find was that for$5.50, I can get temporary eyebrow tattoos that last for 2-3 days...how exciting!

(NOTE: For those of you new to blogging, the colored font is a link that brings you to another website.)

Here are some of my favorites!

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair.

Audrey Hepburn

Instagram fun from this week

2012-01-09T14:21:00.000-05:00

Waiting...

2012-01-08T20:03:00.003-05:00

I've never been one who was good with waiting and this proves true once again as I am forced to be patient. Too much idol thinking time is not a good thing when in the midst of this. Dr. Trevor assured me that taking the time to get all the necessary information before moving forward is a good thing...true I suppose. But,

More tests= More anxiety

...all par for the course. Hmmmmmm-I'm not so sure I'm a fan of this Cancer thing.

In the meantime, I've been keeping busy:

-walking daily with mom (we missed one day and it wasn't a good thing for either of us)

-playing with my new phone; I'm already addicted to instagram and words with friends, even though I consistently lose all the games I play.

-text messaging my awesome friends constantly throughout the day; they give me the daily needed pep talks and are my personal cheerleaders. My BFF even sends me a morning greeting everyday to help get my day off on the right foot-sometimes my response is not so pleasant...sorry Shann!

-hanging out all day and everyday at mom and dad's (and pretty much getting nothing else done-who really cares, right?)

By the way, did you know that once you are diagnosed with cancer, you are pretty much convinced that every ache and pain and lump and bump is Cancer. Dr. Trevor asked me if I had any other bumps and I said, "

Yes, all over my body!" He reassured me that that wasn't true...(love him!)

Luckily I was also warned about this when I was first diagnosed (merely a week ago...geez it seems like months) and I try to talk myself off the ceiling (about 50 times a day).

This post has turned into a disconnected rambling of my thoughts at the end of a long day...so sorry for that. I will stop now before things really get crazy.

Enjoy two of my Instagram pics of my daily motivations to kick Cancer's Ass (sorry).

Find patience in the breath of life.

Ryunosuke Satoro

Pink Skies

2012-01-07T21:08:00.004-05:00

I'll take this as a sign that the heavens are rallying around me.

We all live under the same sky,

but we don't all have the same horizon.

~Konrad Adenauer

Really?

2012-01-06T11:58:00.004-05:00

I looked at Victor this morning in the Dr.'s office and said, "Is this really our life?" He just stared back at me. He takes things in small pieces and really doesn't look at the bigger picture. I have something to learn from him. The big picture scares the %$&@ out of me, and really why go down the road that doesn't yet exist? It's a waste of time and energy.

Now that I'm done with that tangent...we met with another surgeon today, and....he had me at "hello"...well, almost. He was kind, thorough, compassionate, confident, and oh, so very smart. He will be working with an entire team, reviewing my case and confirming his initial thoughts....the idea of having an entire team is definitely comforting. The way things are looking now, I will be having surgery within the next couple of weeks. I'm praying that an upcoming MRI does not show any other spots...no surprises...I never did like them and now, well, that goes without saying.

So, for now, yes, this REALLY is my life...surreal as it may seem. I am blessed to have loving and caring family and friends, doctors and medicines to aggressively treat this disease and faith (most of the time) that things really will be ok.

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
Henry Ward Beecher

I have a little boy who is turning 8 very soon and I have a party to plan. I think this year's theme is Mario...more to come with that topic.

Random....

2012-01-05T22:04:00.006-05:00

It is 10:00 on Thursday night and usually I turn myself off from the Cancer "thinking", but due to tomorrow's early morning appointment I am having trouble doing that. It's hard to get away from it...the constant wondering and worrying.

Let's get things done people...I get tired of sitting around thinking about what is going to happen...let's just do it! Hoping and Praying that tomorrow's appointment will finalize some plans and move onto the next phase in this oh so lovely journey.

I'm completely overwhelmed by the well wishes, prayers and love showered upon me over the past few days. Really, the outpouring of love and support is humbling...I'm one lucky girl!

I got a new I phone today and the first app I downloaded was instagram...oh so fun! I have to have something to keep me entertained while I'm sitting in all those doctor visits.

This is a Princess and the Pea that Little Miss got as a gift from her birth family for Christmas...it's really cute! (1st ever instagram photo)

Endurance is nobler than strength, and

patience than beauty.

John Ruskin

Time to Embrace

2012-01-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

It's Embrace the Camera day over at Emily's Blog. So we're embracing with another picture from Christmas Eve...this one a bit more realistic of what occurs when attempting to take a photo.

Today we're not only embracing the camera, but we're embracing the moment....

Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.

-Montaigne

This is certainly a tough concept for me, as I like to be in control of the situation at all times. But that's not working for me these days and so I'm forced to do the rejoicing in the present moment. Sometimes I'm not so good at it, but I'm a work in progress.

About the color pink...

2012-01-04T13:20:00.005-05:00

I don't like it really. When Little Miss was born I would dread the pink she would receive, and her birth announcement was certainly not pink. As Little Miss gets older she has become more and more fond of pink...in fact, now it's her favorite color and it has slowly begun to grow on me.

It seems now it's being forced upon me and perhaps now it will become my new favorite color, like it or not!

I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I BELIEVE IN PINK. I believe happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and ....I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.

-Audrey Hepburn

An Itch...

2012-01-03T21:16:00.003-05:00

It's funny how a moment initially seen as so insignificant can put you into a whirlwind and completely change your life. Christmas morning as I watched my kids open their presents from Santa, I had an itch....so I scratched it...and found a lump. Not a typical lump, but the kind the doctors warn you about.

"How do I know what to look for? What will it feel like?"

"Would you be able to feel a marble under your skin?"

I felt the marble and then said a few curse words under my breath and tried my best to enjoy the moment taking place in front of me, the moment overtaken by the reality that I felt a hard marble-like lump in my breast!

Less than one week later, on New Year's Eve, my fears were confirmed...."your biopsy tested positive for cancer"...the "C" word. Happy #!@#%$! New Year!

Today the oncologist looked me in the eye and said "we are going to cure your cancer, it won't be easy, but it will be cured." Amen to that! I will be ok. I will have surgery, I will have anxiety, I will lose my hair, I will be tired, but I will be ok and so will my family...we can do this, and we will!

And just because I don't want this post to be a complete downer....

“You can’t change a negative situation with bad feelings. If you keep reacting negatively, your bad feelings will magnify and multiply the negativity.” ~Rhonda Byrne

How?

2012-01-02T20:58:00.008-05:00

I have been known to say "I just don't know how people deal with that? There is no way I would be able to do it..."

Life is hard , sometimes it just downright sucks and guess what? I am one of those people dealing with something waaaay bigger than me. The how?......Well...there is no choice in the matter. I have to deal, I have to give it all I've got and come out the winner on the other end.

Silly Face Games,

two little angels,

and unbelievably supportive family and friends will make the road all that much easier.

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.”

Headers from the Year

2011-12-31T09:30:00.002-05:00

It's a Wrap

2011-12-30T23:02:00.004-05:00

This year's gift wrapping included pom poms. I was inspired by Dana. She posted a easily tutorial on her blog. I also used old cards as gift tags...super easy!

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other”

-Burton Hills

Curve Balls

2011-12-28T19:37:00.002-05:00

I have anxiety.... Really I've had it for my entire life, but this year in particular it has reached a whole new level and I have experienced panic attacks for the first time in my life along with high blood pressure. It got to the point where I decided to try some medicine for it, but it wasn't for me...it actually made the symptoms worse, caused me to be depressed and just all around out of whack.

For the past month I've been doing ok...dealing with stuff and managing the anxiety on my own.

When life throws the curve balls though, it gets tough. But really, there is no option except to wallow for a short time, get up and do it!

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Around our house...

2011-12-19T21:59:00.004-05:00

The crazy Christmas rush is upon us, but we're trying to soak it all in around here. We made some homemade ornaments again this year. In true E fashion, he changed the design a bit and made some penguins. I must admit, they came out pretty darn cute!

Zart Frisbee Harrison is not such a rookie anymore. He is consistently flying back to the North Pole every night, even if it is 4:00 a.m. when he remembers.

My mom found these treasures for me last year. My grandmother made them. Someday I am going to add to them. For now, I am loving these! In the background is a stand made from glass items bought at the dollar store. I copied an idea from Lisa Leonard's blog.
http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/blog/decorating/cottages-and-bungalows-magazine-feature

Excuse the wonky posting. All the options are not working correctly in Blogger. It always seems like something crazy is going on with this thing.

Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.
- Helen Steiner Rice

Bokeh

2011-12-13T00:04:00.004-05:00

...eh? That's what I said a few months ago... What the heck is bokeh?

Now I know what it is and I'm sort of addicted.

It's so fun! It seems Bokeh is all over the internet too!

Peace, Love, & Joy

2011-12-06T20:28:00.002-05:00

Every year I have made our Christmas Cards. Sometimes it's a lot of work, but it's been fun. This year, it was time to let go and explore the option of having them printed somewhere. Being back to work full-time has been bit overwhelming and something had to give. Honestly, it felt so GOOD! I took some photos of the kids, found a card template and ordered them. Now, I wait for them to come in. I am so excited to see them. I used Pinhole Press and used the Peace, Love, and Joy Template; the words seemed to match perfectly for the photos and the font color went with the colors in the photos...too perfect! I even found a discount code online to save $25.00.

Here are the photos I used. (E's t-shirt is a bit on the small side...)

This is actually the only posed picture. All the others (believe it or not) were candids.

Peace,

Love,

& Joy

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown

New and Old Loves

2011-12-03T00:38:00.002-05:00

This man and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary on Thanksgiving. Can we really be old enough to be married that long? It's hard to imagine what life would be like without him.

And my new love...making my own bokeh. (That's where the hearts come from in the photo above) I first read about it when I was searching for ideas for Christmas pictures. It's so much fun. This is the Newport Bridge. You can read a DIY about bokeh here. I must warn you, it's a little addicting.

The chance to love and be loved exists no matter where you are.

-Oprah Winfrey

Tis the season...

2011-11-27T20:26:00.002-05:00

It's here...the start of the "most wonderful time of the year." We officially started our Christmas shopping and hence the craziness begins. I'm trying to make a conscious effort not to go too crazy, but, I have to admit, sometimes it's a struggle.

A couple of weekends ago, we decided to beat the rush and visit The Enchanted Village at Jordan's Furniture. The displays were so beautiful...old and quaint...we all loved them. Then E and Vic tried out the 4-D Polar Express Ride...even better...Little Miss chickened out at the last minute (thank goodness). I don't do well with 4-D rides...well, my stomach doesn't.

Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
-Calvin Coolidge

15 years ago...

2011-11-24T00:04:00.002-05:00

Today, on Thanksgiving, it is also our 15 year anniversary...yikes! And, I'm proud to say that I really think we are happier now than we were then. It has not always been wedded bliss, but I really, honestly, would not change a thing about the past 15 years. I am one lucky girl!

Happy Anniversary Victor!

"I love you more today than yesterday

But not as much as tomorrow."

Our Wedding Song

Grow old along with me

The best is yet to be

When our time has come

We will be as one

God bless our love

Grow old along with me

Two branches of one tree

Face the setting sun

When the day is done

God bless our love

Spending our lives together

Man and wife together

World without end

Grow old along with me

Whatever fate decrees

We will see it through

For our love is true

God bless our love

-John Lennon

Shoeboxes

2011-11-20T20:56:00.005-05:00

We started a tradition last year after reading about it on someone's blog. The Samaritan's Purse has a program called Operation Christmas Child. There are drop-off locations all over the United States where you can drop off a shoe box of gifts to be delivered to a child in need somewhere across the world. The last day for dropping off a shoe box is tomorrow...it's not too late.

Along with the shoe box, we put in a homemade card, courtesy of Little Miss. (She has been writing the letters PKGE on all her drawings lately; I didn't know why until I was uploading this picture. She has told us that her name is now Pinky. The "PKGE" is her name of course!...made me laugh..)

Here's our shoe box before I stuff the cover on and taped it securely closed.

You can print out a tracking code online and see exactly where your box goes.

The finished boxes...stuffed to the gills! They weighed a ton. They are filled with card games, socks, soap, toothbrushes, face cloths, stuffed animals, jump ropes, crayons, clay, paper, craft kits, etc...

Just a little reminder for my kids (and me) that it is important to count our blessings and do for others.

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?"

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm Grateful...

2011-11-13T21:23:00.002-05:00

...for our beautiful new (safe) front walk; the old one was treacherous.

...for my spunky, happy, beautiful daughter,

...and my spirited, happy, and handsome son.

It's November, the month that reminds us to be thankful. What are you grateful for?

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
Oprah Winfrey

Embracing the Camera with Emily

2011-11-10T20:17:00.004-05:00

It's Thursday again already and that means it's time to Embrace the camera again with Emily. Thanks Emily for motivating me to take a picture with my kiddos each week. We're capturing cherished memories thanks to you!

Please disregard the play area "graveyard" behind us. It's the remnants left from our play area mishap during IRENE.

Some sunshine

2011-11-08T21:34:00.005-05:00

With it now getting dark by 4:30, we could all use some sunshine to make the days last longer. Here is my "fix" of sunshine for the day.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin

Kindness

2011-11-05T22:43:00.002-04:00

Because that's what kindness is. It's not doing something for someone else because they can't, but because you can.

~Andrew Iskander

Those who know me (especially my kids and my students) know that my #1 rule is to AlWAYS BE KIND

That one rule pretty much covers everything...

Unfortunately, in this world we live in, others often break this rule.

This past week in our town my little Cub Scout delivered plastic bags to several houses (at least 2 dozen) in our neighborhood as part of Scouting for Food, a community service carried out by the Boy Scouts, to collect canned and non-perishable food to donate to local food pantries. Today was the pick-up day. We collected 2 bags of food. Yes, you read that correctly...TWO! Out of at least 24 houses, 2 left bags of food... What a disappointment! I like to think that most people are kind, compassionate and giving, but when things like this happen, it's so very hard. What do you say to your kids in response to something like that?

We can all make a positive difference each and every day of our lives. We should serve others. We cannot be ignorant and think that we may never be on the receiving end of someone else's charity. I think it's important to teach my kids that, even if it isn't always evident in the society that surrounds us.

Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns. ~Author Unknown

Embrace the Camera

2011-11-03T20:08:00.002-04:00

Typically every Thursday Emily Embraces the Camera and encourages others to do the same. This week is a Halloween Embrace.

When witches go riding,and black cats are seen,the moon laughs and whispers,‘tis near Halloween.~Author Unknown

Dance Confidence

2011-10-25T22:06:00.002-04:00

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”

-William Purkey

"With confidence, you can reach truly amazing heights."

Marianne Williamson

A Moment

2011-10-20T21:17:00.004-04:00

We're looking a bit disheveled in this photo, but it's us, in the moment.

It's been a bit of a rough week around here and I'm pretty much ready for it to end so we can start again. I'm looking forward to Friday.

This weekend is recital weekend. Little Miss will be doing a ballet number to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I'm going to try not to cry. E will be doing acrobats to the Phineas and Ferb theme song...I'm going to try not to jump up on stage and save him from breaking his neck. I'm so excited to see them perform.

Today, I'm linking up with Emily for Embrace the Camera.

Let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to the world.

-Voltaire

Siblings and Feasting on a Pumpkin

2011-10-16T19:26:00.006-04:00

The gap is closing...the 3 year age span between Little Miss and E no longer seems so big. And, it's probably risky to say it aloud, never mind put it in writing, but they really do adore each other and have been playing really well together. The reality is they still have their sibling moments (several times a day), but overall it's been so fun to see them interacting so well with one another. To steal my mom's favorite latest quote, "it makes my heart sing."

and, to quickly change the subject, something has been eating our pumpkins. Apparently the culprit is a squirrel (says E). It even took this pumpkin from the front step and brought it to the deck in the back yard.

E couldn't resist climbing this tree at the park today. After all, it has steps!

"Of all the joys my life brings, a child's smile makes my heart sing."

Coincidence

2011-10-14T22:04:00.005-04:00

We're going to go with pure coincidence on the picture below. (the middle finger)

E tested for his high red belt today, the last belt before Bo Dan (which gets really serious)

He was very proud of himself for breaking the boards on the first try. Nice work E!

This is actually my first time embedding a video; I am pretty proud of myself.

Thanks for stopping by. If you're new here, don't forgot to become a fan and/or subscribe to my blog over on the right.

Every single moment is a coincidence.
Doug Coupland

Weird

2011-10-13T21:04:00.004-04:00

Does anyone else find it weird (or uncomfortable really) to photography yourself? I see people doing it all the time on their blogs and I think they look fine. ME? I tried to take lots of pictures of myself and they are all too strange to post. It's just weird smiling at yourself in the mirror. The only one I can deal with is this one...

...yes, I know, you can't see me...that's why I can deal with it. I was actually trying to get a decent photo of myself because I was happy with my new haircut and wanted to remember it for the next time. Successful in that respect I guess.

I'm linking up with Emily today for Embrace the Camera.

One of those days....

2011-10-09T22:33:00.005-04:00

...the kind where you think of all the ways it could have been better.

Well, if I'm being honest, the entire day was really fine, up until about 8:30 when we were leaving my in-laws' house. We were merely 30 seconds away when the effects of staying up too late and running around like "crazies" became evident....and then 90 minutes later, we were still feeling the after shocks. You see Mr. E needs structure and routine, as all kids do, but for him, he craves even more. When we let our guard down and go off the routine, it isn't good...for any of us.

The good news....tomorrow we get to start again and for that I am grateful. AND, if I'm being COMPLETELY honest, there are so many things that did make today a great day.

"Start a new day with a clean heart. No doubt, no tears, no fear, no worry."

Fun

2011-10-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

We had such a fun Sunday visiting Thomas at Edaville Railroad .

How cute is this picture of Little Miss and her cousin? They are such good friends, and I hope they always will be.

These two adore each other as well...never one peep or arguing between the two of them.

..and I am lucky enough to have not one, but two photos with me and each of my beauties!

Linking up with Emily today at The Anderson Crew

How Full is Your Bucket?

2011-10-05T21:53:00.004-04:00

If you haven't read this book, you should, especially if you have kids, but even if you don't. The book talks about how everyone has an "invisible bucket" on their heads Our buckets get full of drops with giving and receiving acts of kindness, accomplishing a difficult task, doing our favorite things, etc. When we're not feeling so great, our bucket gets empty and drips...

It's a great message for both children and adults. We all feel great when our buckets our full. What helps to fill yours? For me, it's accomplishing something at work, hearing my kids laugh, reading them a story, taking pictures, donating to a worthy cause, having a date night with my hubby and spending time with loved ones.

My co-teacher and I read this story to our 5th grade language arts class and wrote our classroom rules based on it.

In our house, we have a whole reward system based on this book and the kids love it. More on that in another post.

For now, go help to fill someone's bucket and, in turn, you may help to fill your own.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~Aesop

Embracing...

2011-09-28T21:27:00.002-04:00

with my hubby this week. This picture was actually taken this past June. Time to embrace that camera and take some more recent photos.

Embracing the camera with Emily today.

Fun with Picnik

2011-09-25T21:56:00.003-04:00

I've been having Fun with Picnik

Thanks to Shauna from The Reed Life

I always love looking at the photos on Shauna's blog and wondered what she used to edit them. I suppose I could have asked her, but now I don't have to because someone else did. Who knew? She uses Picnik. I've used it before too, but now, it's opened a whole new editing world for me. It's easy, peasy...just the thing for quick, fun photo editing.

Thanks Shauna!

and a completely random quote to end this post.

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.
Stendhal

Happy Fall

2011-09-22T23:10:00.002-04:00

or shall I say Autumn. Why is it that this season has two names?

"Autumn, the year's last loveliest smile."

Author: William Cullen Bryant

Embracing...

2011-09-14T22:09:00.009-04:00

...my kids and my camera.

And, according to Webster....

to take or clasp in the arms; press to the bosom; hug.

to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly: toembrace an idea."

ACK! What is wrong with this darn font stuff? I've had trouble for months now with the font options and can't seem to get to the bottom of it.

I'm linking up with Emily today for Embrace the Camera.

Today's 9-11

2011-09-11T21:53:00.004-04:00

A friend posted this on facebook today: "A Macy's ad in todays New York Times says it all....'hug your children, spend the day with family, think of an old friend, wave to your neighbor, go for a long walk, light a candle, share your thoughts, take a moment for yourself, be there for someone else, watch the sunset, look forward to sunrise'.

I spent the day at the zoo,

taking photos of my kids,

and having a picnic.

On the way to my parents' house for dinner, I traveled over a bridge dedicated to two local victims of the attack.

I thought about what happened 10 years ago and the precious lives that were lost that day...the day that is forever etched in so many minds.

How could anyone ever, ever forget what that day was like?

Today, though, I made happy memories and am even more grateful for the blessings I have been given. Today's 9-11 was a gift!

Shhhhh....don't tell Daddy

2011-09-09T23:20:00.003-04:00

we were jumping on the bed

...and please ignore the dirty feet

"no more monkeys jumping on the bed"

A New Year

2011-09-06T22:05:00.004-04:00

The new school year is here and it makes me so very anxious.

Making cute posters to hang in my classroom does help with the first day jitters though. I created this using Picasa.

Fun Stuff

2011-09-02T22:55:00.005-04:00

With digital photography there seems to be an endless amount to learn. I don't think there is ever any hope of catching up and learning all of it, unless it became my full-time job...and I'm not looking to give up being a mom and a wife or changing my career. In the mean-time, I putter here and there and find things that are fun to play around with. I have been reading on other blogs about "actions" that you can use in Photoshop and Photoshop Elements. I decided to make an attempt at downloading a few and trying them out. After a bit of navigating to find the appropriate resources...I did it...and here are the results.

BEFORE:

AFTER:
AFTER: (?I can't find the before at the moment)

BEFORE:

AFTER:

So fun, and easy to do now that they are installed.

I used the free Action Set from Pioneer Woman. There are great links right on her blog for installing and using the actions.

A good snapshot stops a moment from running away.

~Eudora Welty

Embracing the Camera

2011-09-01T18:51:00.004-04:00

I'm embracing the camera today.Hubby and I went to a concert last Friday night. Here is a picture of us and my brother and sister-in-law.

You too can Embrace the Camera. Check out Emily's blog and link your post.

Inconvenience

2011-08-31T23:08:00.006-04:00

Time for a little venting session....

So, we were hit with a hurricane on Sunday. Well, really for us, it was classified as a tropical storm. As I mentioned in my previous post, it was enough to knock down trees and some of us still do not have power. That is what leads me to my venting. Life without power...not fun. Can we survive? Absolutely...Please people, stop complaining like it's the end of the world and you're going to die without it.....you will not! Unless of course you have medical conditions where power is necessary to run your oxygen machine or other life saving tools. There are so many real problems in the world and so many of us who were affected in much, much larger ways....stop, stop, stop the bitching (sorry!) Not having power is a big inconvenience, but it really isn't a problem or catastrophe...you CAN survive without it, and so many people do, every day of their lives.

And while I'm at it, have we become so dependent on traffic lights that we really cannot figure out how to travel without them. Where there are lights, there now is a four way stop...don't speed through the intersection without even yielding....you are causing more chaos.

It's disappointing to see the lack of resilience around after this storm. Suck it up people, suck it up!

"One of life's best coping mechanisms is to know the difference

between an inconvenience and a problem. If you break your neck, if

you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you've got a

problem. Everything else is an inconvenience. Life is inconvenient.

Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump

in the breast are not the same kind of lump. One needs to learn the

difference."

- Robert Fulghum

Irene

2011-08-30T22:34:00.007-04:00

What's in a name? (from www.websters.com) "Irene \i-re-ne\ as a girl's name is pronounced eye-REEN, eye-REE-nee. It is of Greek origin, and the meaning of Irene is "peace". Mythology: Greek goddess of peace. Saint Irene (fourthcentury) was one of the three sisters martyred for their faith in Macedonia. The three-syllable pronunciation is mostly British. Common during the Roman Empire, but first used in English-speaking countries in the mid-19th century. Irina is popular in Russia. Actresses Irene Dunne, Irene Worth."

Peace, Really? When I think of Hurricane Irene, Peace is pretty much the last word that comes to mind. She packed a good punch and we didn't even get the actual hurricane; we got a tropical storm by the time it came up to us....thank GOD! Winds were around 60 mph and that was just about enough for me. We even ventured to the basement with flashlights a couple times because I was worried a tree was going to fall on our house after a couple big trees from our neighbor's yard were uprooted and crushed our swingset. Sooooo scary!!!!

We will have a lot of firewood this year.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Teresa

If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
Nelson Mandela

Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one.
John Lennon

Us

2011-08-25T08:41:00.005-04:00

We went blueberry picking late this year, so we had the entire place to ourselves. That makes it fun to be able to take some pictures without feeling totally ridiculous when trying to balance the camera on the container of blueberries. The focusing can be a bit tricky as evidenced by the first photo, but it captured Us in the moment.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Buddha

I'm linking up with Emily today at The Anderson Family Crew

Still having issues with blogger not being able to save my font sizes and colors...making me nuts!!!!

Face Lift

2011-08-23T23:12:00.006-04:00

My blog was in need of a face lift, and I must say, I'm quite happy with the results. Typically, I get bored easily and like to change my header every month, but the last one has been up for at least 2. With the return of work and school upon us, I'm thinking this one may be there until Christmas, but we'll see. For now, I'm happy with it.

"Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship."

Buddha

Bottle Cap Fever

2011-08-21T22:48:00.011-04:00

First, my disclaimer: These photos are not great because I forgot to take them during the day and then I was forced to use good old artificial light. Not a great thing for quality photos.

When Geocaching, the rule is if you take something, you must leave something behind....but what? I got this idea to make magnets using bottle caps and so we started saving all the bottle caps.

When this jar was full, we started our project. (No, we didn't drink all those beverages on our own)

Then I got the idea to make sets of magnets to give as gifts. For these I cut photographs using a jagged circle punch (no idea what it is really called), used glue to adhere them to the caps and finished them off with these epoxy stickers.

Glue magnets to the backs and you're done.

They do sell plain bottle caps so you don't have to save your own, but I like the eclectic look of all the different caps. I think it adds some character.

I'm going to get some better pics during the day and post later in the week.

“Get up and dance, get up and smile, get up and drink to the days that are gone in the shortest while.”

-Simon Fowler

WHY CAN'T I EDIT THE FONT IN BLOGGER? IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY!!!!!

I'm linking up with Heather today

Berries

2011-08-19T23:06:00.007-04:00

We took our annual road trip (it's a mere 45 minutes, but for us, it's a road trip) to Little Compton to pick some Blueberries. We are late into the season, so I think that is why we were the only ones there. There were still plenty of blueberries and it was peaceful and beautiful...perfect! We picked 11lbs of berries and that doesn't count the 2 lbs E had in his stomach when we left.

And my two loves even volunteered to pose for a picture!

" Blueberries is one of the great forces o'good in the world."

Silly

2011-08-17T22:10:00.007-04:00

Nothing like ending a summer day with being silly. I can set my camera to take five consecutive pictures on the self-timer, so we have lots of pictures. Here are a few (or several).

"Don't be afraid to look silly."

I'm linking up with Emily today The Anderson Family Crew

Imperfectly Fabulous

2011-08-16T00:36:00.015-04:00

So, I know I've gone on tangents about it before and recently too, but I guess I'm just trying to convince myself that what I write is true. Therefore, I'm going to talk about it again in the hope that this time, I actually believe myself. The "IT" is blogging. "IT" can be a stressful thing, especially when you're a perfectionist and slightly insecure. "IT" can often make you feel like you're not good enough, that you should be doing more for your kids, taking better photographs, or attracting more "fans". What really matters??? The reality is that we all have things going on in our lives that are not so glamorous, but, it seems, we rarely mention them; I applaud those who do. Everyone's life is so darn "fabulous" and for some reason, the competition is there to be even more fabulous. Well, forget it...I'm vowing to be imperfectly fabulous and in honor of this new found "freedom", here are some imperfectly fabulous photographs from this past Friday.

Give me the comma of imperfect striving, thus to find zest in the immediate living. Ever the reaching but never the gaining, ever the climbing but never the attaining of the mountain top.

Winston Graham

PS Anyone else having trouble with changing the color and size of the font on blogger?

Uncomfortable

2011-08-11T00:04:00.006-04:00

This photo is a bit out of my comfort zone being so dang close...yikes! I don't think I even see myself that close in the mirror. But look at that smile on E...who can resist that?

"Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it's a small price to pay for living a dream."

Peter McWilliams

I'm linking up with Emily today at The Anderson Crew for Embrace the Camera.

327

2011-08-09T13:51:00.004-04:00

I noticed today that it's my 327th post....not all that significant, just that I happened to glance up and see that number. Sometimes I'm not sure what to make of this blogging gig. It's fun, but yet at the same time, the stress of posting something worthwhile often creeps in to ruin the party. But then, I stop and gain a better perspective on things; all this thinking and analyzing destroys the moment. And so, I just pull out some tidbits from my life and post.

On Saturday, we walked to the end of our street to watch the cyclists in the Pan Mass Challenge. Lance Armstrong was a participant in this year's ride...pretty exciting, even though we didn't get to see him. We were there a whopping 3 minutes before Little Miss was stung by a wasp....yuck!

Later in the day we went to Cousin Michael's Boot Camp Birthday Party. Even Little Miss wanted camo face paint.

But, who says a girl with Camo face paint can't have red toenails? She is now asking me to paint her toenails and wants a princess party for her next birthday. I'm loving painting the nails, but as for the princess parties, I'm not so into that. We have several months before the next birthday, so we can work on that.

...and that's a wrap on #327.

Thanks to those of you who are interested in the tidbits of our life!

I love life because what more is there.
Anthony Hopkins

Mem and I

2011-08-04T23:26:00.003-04:00

My memere and I at her house last week. E took the picture..this is one of about 50. He had us cracking up because he was making silly faces to get us to laugh.

Happy 91st Birthday Memere. xo

"Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of you to the world."

I'm linking up with Emily today for Embrace the Camera.

Here are the pics...(see previous post)

2011-08-02T21:53:00.004-04:00

My hubby fixed the photo upload situation, so here are the pictures I promised from my previous post. We took these to my memere's house as part of her birthday picnic. She turned 91 on Saturday!

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.

Maya Angelou

"Mermaid Wands"

2011-08-02T09:10:00.002-04:00

I saw this craft in my recent Family Fun magazine. We decided to make some, and with our recent trip to Newport, we had all the supplies. We didn't call them mermaid wands though, we called them sea stars (did you know that was the proper name for starfish?) and we used them as decorations in our vases of hydrangeas. Here are a few pictures.

Apparently not... I've reached my quota for pictures...stayed tuned, I'll post the pictures tomorrow after my IT guy (aka: husband) figures out what the problem is.

Sad

2011-07-29T23:10:00.010-04:00

Sometimes life is hard~ excruciatingly hard, and more so for some people than for others. Several months ago, I was "introduced" to a little girl named Leah. Leah from the same town as us, Leah who has an adoring older brother, Leah who has two parents completely devoted to their children, Leah who loves crafts, the color pink and piggies, Leah who was diagnosed with brain cancer in March of this year, and sadly, Leah who lost her valiant fight with brain cancer this past week at the mere age of 5. How can it be?

I find myself frequently visiting her facebook page and viewing the photos of this gorgeous little child. How can it be possible that this child, so full of life, is no longer on this Earth? How can it be possible that this family will be able to rise through the deep sorrow and continue on with their lives?

This family...mother, father, daughter, son is remarkably similar to our family. I can't even begin to imagine the grief...

I never met this little girl, but she left a footprint, one much greater than her shoe size. She demonstrated the value of everyday life. She forever changed not only her family, but an entire community of people who fell in love with her. Thank you Leah for teaching me to look at each and every moment as one of worth and something to be cherished. Thank you to Leah's family for sharing your story and your precious Leah with all of us...I know I am forever changed...

Photo taken from Facebook

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." ~Kahlil Gibran

Another Self-timer Pic

2011-07-28T10:47:00.003-04:00

I'm linking up with Emily today for Embrace the camera.

Not a follower yet? I'd love it if you joined my site (on the right sidebar).

"Photography to me is catching a moment which is passing, and which is true."
Jacques-Henri Lartigue

"Crazy" Summertime

2011-07-24T23:02:00.010-04:00

Happy, Crazy, Summertime Fun.

Can it get any lovelier?

"Be intent upon the perfection of the present day."
-- William Law

PS...and just because I'm on the topic of crazy...

I'm linking up with Heather today for Life Made Lovely Mondays.

This Week

2011-07-21T22:44:00.005-04:00

Our time away is just about over. Getting back to reality is going to be hard.

A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it.

Marcelene Cox

A Better Dream

Therapy

Zipadeedoodah

Leak...

“We must have infinite faith in each other. If we have not, we must never let it leak out that we have not.”

Safety Net

“Family... a group experience of love and support.”

What If...

Temporary Position...

Avo

Fall from grace...

“Gracefulness has been defined to be the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul”

Envy...

Scarves...

Fun Stuff...

My First Thought...

The important things...

This Sucks...

Enough Said

Good Riddance

Speechless

Etiquette

The boy

Complicated

Celebrate 8

"boy (boi) n. a male child, lad, youth, not yet a man, often a magnet to dirt, toys and adventure."

Strength...

Random Distraction

This Time Last Year

Bittersweet...

Prayer...

It's a Wonderful Life

Just for fun...

Stepping out of the box...

Today

Hair

Instagram fun from this week

Waiting...

Pink Skies

Really?

Random....

Time to Embrace

About the color pink...

An Itch...

How?

Headers from the Year

It's a Wrap

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other”

Curve Balls

Around our house...

Bokeh

Peace, Love, & Joy

New and Old Loves

Tis the season...

15 years ago...

Shoeboxes

I'm Grateful...

Embracing the Camera with Emily

Some sunshine

Kindness

Embrace the Camera

Dance Confidence

A Moment

Siblings and Feasting on a Pumpkin

"Of all the joys my life brings, a child's smile makes my heart sing."

Coincidence

Weird

One of those days....

Fun

How Full is Your Bucket?

Embracing...

Fun with Picnik

Happy Fall

"Autumn, the year's last loveliest smile."

Embracing...

"em·brace

Today's 9-11

Shhhhh....don't tell Daddy

A New Year

Fun Stuff